I've got no talents - make me a star

I watched a programme on the box last night which explained that TV companies find it cheaper and easier to elevate 'no talents' to stardom than to pay real talents to produce real entertainment. The evedence of my eyes says you don't have to be good looking, and that of my ears says intellegence isn't a pre-requisit.

Well I've got no talents so why did they leave me out? I'm only moderately ugly and my family frequently comment on my dimness. I qualify!

My son, the one in marketing, tells me I have no USP - unique selling point. So I've been on the look out for selling points. Varicous veins don't seem to fit the bill, a bald head??? Well some 'stars' are bald and I could wear a wig. I have been known to think but I could make a major effort to stop.

But then they said, on the programme, that having made convenient 'stars' TV finds it cheaper to grow new talent than pay the old.